If I do anything

If I do anything at all

If I laugh…, I laugh too loud,
if I stop…, then the silence is a shout
if I cry…, I am crying all the time,
if I sigh…, I sigh too much,
if I’m num, it’s too quiet, what is right?

If I speak…, I talk too much for you,
if I raise my voice, then it is too high,
if I get dressed, then I dress too shy
too much red, green too blue, white too bright,
pink too purple, too beige and my yellow too dull
dress to short, sleeves too long
décolté is too low, pendant’s silver too gold,
dressed too young, for my age, it’s too old
style no longer the rage
whatever you see
and whatever I do
black and grey’s too much colour for me

If I’m happy, my happiness drives you insane
if I’m sad, then my sadness makes you leave the room
if I share my joy, then you roll your eyes
if I know it’s ugly, you keep telling ‘it is nice’
if I do nothing, nothing of what I do is right

If I talk on the phone,
if I’m with someone or alone
if I sleep too long,
if I’m weak or strong,
if I’m lost or belong
if I’m crook
if I cook
if I look
if I sook
if I yell
if I trip and fall
if I minify
if I’m asking why
too much sugar or salt,
food too hot or too cold
too much fear or too bold
too young or too short

if I cut the grass, wash your clothes,
sweep the floor and do endless chores,
work my skin to the bone,
ache for you, am alone
if my hands are too clean
if I’m not giving, I’m mean
if I give, it’s too little,
too late, or too soon,
crisp retort, didn’t smile,
said too much, didn’t say,
pay a bill, say a prayer,

if I watch TV, if I scratch my knee
if I open the door, if I ask you for more
if I go, if I stay, if I’m leaving or play,
if I loose my mind, if I’m in front or behind,
if I’m cute and coy, it’s another ploy
if you loose the game, then I am to blame
if I switch off the light, is the day still too bright?
if I lay on my back is the night too lit up to be dark?
if I cough, if I burp
if I ‘you name the verb’
if I dance and sing
if I give up or fight
if I breathe air in
if I do, I’ll be dammed
if I don’t, doors will slam
if I do everything
if I do all I can
is it ever enough
or too smooth or too rough

toying annoying,
depression a session,
brooding a mood,
all is bad, nothing’s good
love has come, love is gone
let’s face it, my friend
if I do anything,
will it ever be right?

© Heinz Ross, Gold Coast, Australia
13 Dec 2008